“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose.”— Viktor Frankl
- Christine Knight
- Nov 18
- 4 min read
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose.”
— Viktor Frankl
Nervous System Truth vs.
Trauma-Driven Reaction
This article focuses on:
How trauma patterns (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) disguise themselves as clarity
How to tell when your system is reacting vs. when your Self-energy is responding
Tools from Deb Dana, Jan Winhall, and IFS to map those inner shifts
How to create pause, presence, and eventually choice from the body up
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose.”
— Viktor Frankl
The deeper we go into this work, the more subtle the terrain becomes.
We stop being confused by obvious dysfunction — we’ve already learned to walk away from that.
What becomes tricky is the internal tangle:
Is this my truth… or is this a trauma reaction?
The body doesn’t always whisper in poetry.
Sometimes it shouts.
Sometimes it freezes.
Sometimes it makes a run for it — or fawns and folds itself so small it disappears.
This is the nervous system doing what it was built to do: protect.
And the more attuned we become, the more often we find ourselves at that edge:
Is this a boundary… or a wall?
Is this discernment… or avoidance?
Is this intuition… or fear in a costume?
The work here isn’t to judge — it’s to listen. Deeply. With compassion. With curiosity. With the courage to tell the truth… even when it disrupts the narrative we’re used to.
Reactions Are Fast. Truth is Felt.
Trauma-driven reactions are immediate.
Self-led truth often has space.
Reactions come with urgency, tightness, pressure to decide or escape or perform. They’re protective — not bad, not wrong, but driven by survival. You feel them before you know what you’re feeling. And they tend to speak in extremes.
Truth — the kind that comes from deep Self — is often quiet. Spacious. It doesn’t rush. It doesn’t collapse. It doesn’t need to prove anything.
As Deb Dana teaches in her polyvagal work, the regulated nervous system doesn’t yell — it informs. It lets you feel before you speak. It offers choice instead of reactivity.
When you’re in a reaction, the body is trying to move out of the moment.
When you’re in truth, the body allows you to stay within it.
The Protector’s Voice vs. Self-Energy
IFS gives us a profound map for this territory. Here’s how to begin to tell:
Protector Reaction
Self-Led Truth
“I have to say no or I’ll be taken advantage of.”
“No is what aligns with my truth and energy.”
“They’ll leave me if I ask for what I need.”
“I can be in connection without abandoning myself.”
“I need to fix this or they’ll be upset.”
“Their reaction doesn’t determine my reality.”
One voice is urgent. One is grounded.
One is speaking from the past. One is present.
One is about survival. The other — sovereignty.
Somatic Clues: What Does It Feel Like?
According to Jan Winhall’s Felt Sense Polyvagal Model, your body will tell you whether you’re reacting or responding — if you’re willing to feel it.
When it’s trauma-driven:
Tight throat, clenched jaw
Shoulders rising, breath held
Pressure in the chest
Shaky urgency, compulsive movement
“If I don’t act now, something bad will happen”
When it’s Self-led truth:
Grounded sensation in the belly or heart
Clear, even breath
Space around the thought or decision
Energy to speak without collapse
“This is what’s real, even if it’s hard.”
This isn’t about bypassing. Self-led clarity can still feel tender, sad, scary. But it doesn’t come with panic. It comes with presence.
Between Stimulus and Response there is a space. Viktor Frankl
Practicing the Pause
Deb Dana teaches us that regulation isn’t about being calm all the time — it’s about having access to choice.
And choice begins with the pause.
Next time you feel yourself getting activated — whether it’s an urge to lash out, ghost someone, over-explain, or fold into shame — practice this:
The Nervous System Pause:
Notice the activation. “I feel heat in my chest. My jaw is tight.”
Name it gently. “I think this is a reaction — my protector is trying to help me.”
Offer breath and space. One hand on heart or belly. A slow inhale. A longer exhale.
Ask: “What does Self know right now?”
Wait. Let the nervous system soften before you respond.
This isn’t always easy. But even a 10-second pause creates an opening. And openings become new pathways.
The Role of Witnessing
Sometimes we need help to know the difference between reaction and truth — especially early in the healing journey.
That’s where safe witnessing matters.
A trusted guide, therapist, coach, or IFS practitioner can gently mirror:
“That sounds like a protector — what’s it afraid might happen?”
“What would happen if you paused before responding?”
“Can we get curious about what’s underneath that no?”
This isn’t about giving your power away. It’s about co-regulation. Letting someone hold space while you feel your way back to your Self.
Rebuilding Trust in Your Inner Knowing:
For many of us, the hardest part isn’t hearing our truth — it’s trusting it.
If you’ve been gaslit, dismissed, overrun, or manipulated, your internal signals may feel fuzzy.
The good news? Trust is like a muscle.
The more you listen — without shame, without pressure — the clearer it gets.
You might not get it right every time. That’s okay. This is not a linear path. It’s a relationship.
Each time you pause instead of react, listen instead of explain, wait instead of chase — you are becoming someone your nervous system can trust again.
That’s the work. That’s the way home.
Reflection Prompts
When I reflect on a recent decision, was it made from Self or from a reaction?
What does my body feel like when I’m in reaction?
What somatic cues show up when I’m in truth and clarity?
How can I begin to build more space between trigger and choice?
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